Thought for the Week

Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT

October 8, 2018

“Make sure the fortune that you seek is the fortune that you need.” –Ben Harper

What we seek and what we need are often very different things for addicts.  Sex addicts use sex to address non-sexual needs.  Sex addicts use sex to create a sense of intimacy or connection, to manage stress, to resolve uncomfortable emotions, to express resentment, to feel reassurance after a conflict, or to boost their in self-esteem.  The problem is that sex does not provide a meaningful or lasting fix for any of these things and then we are back to square one.  When we make sure the “fortune we seek” is the “fortune we need,” growth and change happens.

Have I been aware of seeking sex as a replacement for something else?  What am I or what might I be using sex to avoid?  What gifts await me as I stop using sex as a placebo and start seeking what I need?