Thought for the Week

Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT

March 18, 2013

Boundaries allow us to be independent of others and yet deeply  connected to them. -Patrick Carnes

Some people believe that in order to be emotionally close to someone, you need to drop your personal boundaries.  The problem with this is that we are all human and, therefore, imperfect.  No matter how hard we try not to be, we are sometimes disrespectful and hurtful.  If I drop my boundaries, I don’t allow the other person their humanity.  In a sense I am saying, “You must contain yourself perfectly.  I will not protect myself from your moments of disrespect.  It is your job to make sure I am not hurt.”  This does not make me a safe person to be close to.  When I hold appropriate boundaries and protect myself from others’ imperfections or, in other words, allow them their humanity, I make myself safe to connect with and be emotionally close to.

Am I safe to be emotionally close to?  How do I acknowledge the imperfections of others and protect myself?  What do healthy, appropriate boundaries look like?