Thought for the Week

Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT

May 27, 2013

Are you living in action or reaction? -Pia Mellody

When we have effective boundaries, we see the actions of others and decide what to take on as truly being about us.  Boundaries allow us to live in the action of our choice.  When we have poor boundaries, we take the actions of others onto ourselves and live in reaction.  For example, if my partner is angry with me and I have poor boundaries, I take on her anger as being about me.  My reaction may be anger in return, acting sheepish or less than, or trying to make everything OK so she will stop being angry.  If I have effective boundaries, I can look at her and the situation, determine and own the parts that are mine, recognize and not take on the parts that are my partner’s due to her behavior or her past emotional wounds, be willing to work through this situation with my partner, and , most importantly, allow my partner to have her emotion.  When we live in reaction, we have a sense of powerlessness since we have basically given control of our experiences to those around us.

Do I feel powerless?  If so, what is happening with my boundaries?  Am I living in action or reaction?