Thought for the Week

Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT

November 18, 2013

Not allowing yourself to be known is dishonesty.

There are many ways to be dishonest in a relationship.  One that frequently happens and, in our own thought processes, is easy to justify is not allowing ourselves to be known.  We do this in many ways:  not sharing that we are unhappy or angry with our partner’s behavior or choices, not sharing our own fears or anxieties, not sharing our own questionable behavior, and, when asked by our partner, denying any of these behaviors.  We may tell ourselves that we are not overtly lying and, therefore, are not being dishonest.  However, when we do not allow our partner to know who we are and what we are experiencing, we are being dishonest – regardless of how we try to justify this omission of information to ourselves.

Am I allowing myself to be known?  What emotions, experiences, or behaviors am I hiding or denying to others?  What am I afraid will happen if I allowed myself to be known?