Thought for the Week

Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT

March 5, 2018

“When he acts perversely or maliciously – because he is a man of many faults – he is never too ashamed to ask forgiveness.” –Paulo Coelho

Forgiveness has different meanings for different people: removal of responsibility, ignoring the impact or consequences of an action, agreeing to forget the event took place, moving life energy from a painful event to other parts of life, etc.  Regardless of how others view forgiveness, these aspects of forgiveness are important for addicts to remember.  1) While forgiveness may be healing for the victim (those we have intentionally or unintentionally harmed in our addiction), forgiveness is not helpful to the addict without acceptance of responsibility.  2) Forgiveness by our victims does not allow for true change; true change comes with our acceptance of forgiveness from our higher power and, ultimately, from forgiving ourselves.  3) In recovery, forgiveness is worthless unless it is accompanied by true change.  It is a hollow act to seek forgiveness without true intent to change and to use every tool available to maintain that change.

When have I sought forgiveness from others?  Did I own my part of the forgiveness equation?  What gifts await me as I do my part to forgive myself and to change?