Thought for the Week

Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT

August 17, 2015

Relationships are Bad Math

There are different thoughts about what components make up a relationship.  Romantics will tell you that 1 + 1 = 1 because two people become one relationship.  Realists will tell you that 1 + 1 = 2 because there are still two people in the relationship.  In actuality, 1 + 1 = 3 because there are now three components: you, your partner, and the relationship.  The trick is to know what parts you are responsible for.  In a relationship, it is your responsibility to take care of yourself and the relationship (which includes being supportive and understanding of your partner).  It is your partner’s responsibility to take care of themselves and the relationship.

Have I recognized all the components of relationships in my past?  Have I taken responsibility for myself in relationships or expected others to do that for me?  Have I allowed my partner to take responsibility for themselves in relationships or have I taken this responsibility from them?  What gifts await me if I change this pattern?