Thought for the Week

Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT

April 17, 2017

“Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving.  When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape.” –Bell Hooks

One of the primary tenets of sex addiction is using others as objects to make ourselves feel better.  We do this through seduction, objectification, and sometimes through dating and marriage.  When we use others as objects to make us OK, we can only love them as soothing objects similar to teddy bears.  In recovery, it is essential that we become comfortable as solitary creatures.  By learning to take care of and nurture ourselves we no longer look to others to make us OK, we can enter a true relationship and experience the art of loving.

When have I used others, even those I have been in serious relationships with, as objects?  How has my ability to love been compromised?  What gifts await me as I learn to relate to others as a self-nurturing individual?