Thought for the Week

Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT

January 9, 2017

“Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made and dark images you hold about yourself.  They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused.” –Alan Cohen

We need others to help us see ourselves accurately.  Addicts often have a distorted and negative view of themselves either because of what they have done or the situation they have created.  In our darker times, we need others to remind us of our positive aspects and our good choices.  When our relationship is solid and we have been consistent and trustworthy, our partner can provide us with this perspective and support.  However, when our partner is unable to provide this, either due to our actions or the mistrust we have created, we need others to fill this role.  For partners, it is healing when the addict can reflect the partner’s beauty, wholeness, innocence and purpose.  But when this is not possible, either due to the addict’s own struggles or because trust in the addict has not yet been rebuilt, partners need others to fill this role as well.  Our support communities provide this perspective for us and, when possible, we return the favor.

When have I held dark images about myself?  Who in my life is able to remind me of my positive aspects?  What gifts await me as I own responsibility for my choices and allow others to remind me of my growth, progress, and self-worth.