Thought for the Week

Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT

January 26, 2015

Which door to choose?

A Persian princess was in a relationship with a commoner; this was against the law. The two were found lying in bed together but, at the time, were having a lovers’ quarrel. The penalty for a commoner associating with a princess was death. The princess talked to the king and he agreed to give the commoner a chance. The king would put the young man in a room with two doors. Behind one door would be a tiger, certain death. Behind the other would be the princess and they could be together. The princess found out which door she would be behind and secretly sent this message to her lover, “Open the door on the left.”  Now, the young man was left wondering, “Does she want to be with me or, after our quarrel, does she want me dead?”

Sometimes we wonder how much we can trust our partners to keep our best interests in mind. Likewise, our partners sometimes wonder the same things about us. The choices we make and the situations we create go a long way toward influencing how much our partners trusts us.

Have I been consistently trustworthy so my partner can believe I will protect them from the “tiger?” If not, what can I do in the here and now to start building this trust? If I am scared and questioning my partner’s trustworthiness, how can I respectfully ask for clarification?