Thought for the Week

Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT

November 12, 2018

Just because your partner is no longer raging, that does not mean you are done.

Partners are often traumatized by sex addiction and this trauma sometimes comes out as anger or rage.  Given this, it can be easy for sex addicts to judge their progress by their partner’s emotional state.  This is a mistake.  If your partner was angry and is no longer “raging,” this does not mean you are done.  It simply means your partner is not raging.  You may still have work to do regarding sobriety, your recovery program, balance and moderation in other areas of your life, or consistent relationship-affirming words and actions.  Your work continues even when the “raging” ends.

Have I worked as hard on my sobriety and recovery when my partner or others were calm as I did when they were angry?  What was the outcome?  What gifts await me as I continue my sobriety and recovery work even when others are calm or, perhaps, appreciative?