Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT December 31, 2018 I am an asymptote. An asymptote is a mathematical term for a curve that continually gets closer to a line but never reaches it.  In recovery, we are asymptotes.  The longer we stay sober, the easier it...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT December 27, 2018 “Simple but not easy.” –unknown A sobriety program is simple.  Tell your sponsor and others who support you in recovery everything.  Follow their guidance in all things.  Reach out to others as soon as...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT December 17, 2018 Vacuum under the car mats. There is superficial change and real change.  You can wash the outside of the car but not touch the inside. It looks clean until you open the door.  You can superficially...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT December 10, 2018 “The art of apology is an expression of the gift of responsibility.” –Wendy Behary Responsibility and a true apology are interlinked.  Saying you’re sorry without accepting responsibility for your part...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT December 3, 2018 “The art of self-disclosure is an expression of the gift of courage.” –Wendy Behary Self-disclosure is not easy.  It brings the possibility of judgement and rejection.  It is also the only way to find...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT November 26, 2018 Kintsukuroi Kintsukuroi is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with precious metals.  A piece of pottery repaired or put back together with precious metal is considered to be more beautiful...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT November 19, 2018 What is this book about without telling me the plot? Addicts must learn to live transparently.  Keeping secrets from therapists, sponsors, recovery community members, and, especially, partners is a...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT November 12, 2018 Just because your partner is no longer raging, that does not mean you are done. Partners are often traumatized by sex addiction and this trauma sometimes comes out as anger or rage.  Given this, it can...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT November 5, 2018 Maturity is being able to let go of outcomes. When we are young, we are extremely attached to specific outcomes.  Children often break into tantrums or tears because they hold a strong desire for a...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT October 29, 2018 Watch the feet not the lips. This is a phrase we use to help partners verify that a person is safe to trust.  Addicts say all sorts of things and make lots of assurances.  Sometimes this is done with...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT October 22, 2018 “It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson One of the basic tenets of 12-step programs is the...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT October 15, 2018 “History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again.” –Maya Angelou The past can be painful.  This pain may be connected to traumas we experienced...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT October 8, 2018 “Make sure the fortune that you seek is the fortune that you need.” –Ben Harper What we seek and what we need are often very different things for addicts.  Sex addicts use sex to address non-sexual...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT October 1, 2018 “I define infidelity as the breaking of trust that occurs when you keep intimate, meaningful secrets from your primary romantic partner.” –Rob Weiss When does sexual behavior become infidelity?  There...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT September 24, 2018 “Carry in your memory, for the rest of your life, the good things that came out of those difficulties. They will serve as a proof of your abilities and will give you confidence when you are faced by...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT September 17, 2018 “He uses common sense to judge not the intentions of an action but its consequence. He takes responsibility for everything he does, even if he has to pay a high price for his mistakes.” –Paulo Coelho...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT September 10, 2018 Judgement is not the problem. Judgement without empathy is the problem. Judgement with empathy and without empathy are two very different things.  With empathy, we judge the behavior or actions in...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT September 3, 2018 Sobriety is about what you don’t do. Recovery is about what you do. Some people think of sobriety and recovery as the same thing.  This is simply not true.  Sobriety is about what you don't do.  You...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT August 27, 2018 “Life is slippery, here, take my hand.” –H. Jackson Brown, Jr. Life is slippery.  This is true for everyone.  It is doubly true for addicts and their partners.  We need a hand.  Thankfully, there are...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT August 20, 2018 An old, wise fish swims past two young fish and asks “How’s the water?” “Fine,” they reply. A minute later one of the young fish asks the other, “What is water?” When we are constantly surrounded by...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT August 13, 2018 The Golden Rule was written by a narcissist. "Do unto other as you would have them do unto you." The Golden Rule sounds good but does not always work.  It is narcissistic of us to assume others want the...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT August 6, 2018 "A Jew can be Jewish with God, against God, but not without God.” –Elie Wiesel Spirituality does not mean we like everything we receive.  We can be angry.  We can believe our situation is completely...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT July 30, 2018 Sometimes you just have to say “I am currently under construction. Thank you for your patience.” -unknown We are not perfect.  We never have been and never will be.  We are perpetually "under...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT July 23, 2018 “I’ve never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the person in question finally getting tired of their own bullshit.” –Elizabeth Gilbert When our lives and situations are full of obvious and...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT July 16, 2018 “If the highest aim of a captain were to preserve his ship, he would keep it in port forever.” – Thomas Aquinas Life does not happen without risk.  When we put our energy into maintaining safety at all...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT July 9, 2018 “Judgement exacerbates disconnection.” –Brene Brown Connection is vital in recovery.  Isolation and loneliness, even when we are surrounded by friendly faces, are hallmarks of addiction.  When we judge...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT July 2, 2018 “What’s right is what’s left when you do everything else wrong.” –Robin Williams   Addicts do a lot of things wrong.  If we go through the process of identifying all of the wrong things ourselves, finding...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT June 25, 2018 Necessary boundaries change with time in recovery.   As we progress in recovery, our necessary boundaries change.  In early recovery, we may need a flip phone and blocks on our devices.  Later in recovery,...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT June 18, 2018 Future tripping is blocking possible change in self and others.   When we future trip, we focus on one future as the only possibility.  The truth is, the future is unwritten and our role, as well as the...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT June 11, 2018 The “Ew” Factor It is important to recognize relationship as part of sexual attraction and arousal.  This ability to recognize relationship as part of sexuality is the basic difference between men who are...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT June 4, 2018 “As long as I don’t take myself too seriously, I shouldn’t be too badly off.” –Prince Life is difficult when we take ourselves too seriously.  Life in recovery is impossible when we do this.  In recovery,...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT May 28, 2018 “Knowledge is only rumor until it lives in the bones.” –African Proverb We receive many words of wisdom in the Program.  Old timers in the Program will suggest you follow their advice.  You will see others...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT May 21, 2018 Only God can judge me by my intent.  Everyone else has to judge me by my actions. How many times have you said “But I didn’t mean for you to get hurt.  You have to believe me.”  No matter how genuine our...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT May 14, 2018 “Don’t forget, a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.” –Zadie Smith It is important that we express and receive appreciation.  It is also important that we are aware of where we can...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT May 7, 2018 “The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it is the same problem you had last year.” –John Foster Dulles Life is complicated and we are human.  Problems will...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT April 30, 2018 “The wound is where the light enters you.” –Rumi Are you wounded?  Yes. You are.  We are all wounded.  The more important question is whether or not you acknowledge and try to heal your wounds?  When we...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT April 23, 2018 Recovery is not blazing a trail alone.  On the contrary, it is walking a well-worn path with peers all supporting each other while traveling to the same destination. Blazing a trail has its time and...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT April 16, 2018 You are a loaded moving van, not a sports car. Addiction is a brain disorder expressed through behavior.  Understanding the neurology of addiction helps us to understand some of the behavioral struggles. ...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT April 9, 2018 “One doesn’t have to operate with great malice to do great harm.  The absence of empathy and understanding are sufficient.” –Charles M. Blow How many times have you said “It was not my intention for them...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT April 2, 2018 “The good thing about principles is that they make life easy.  I have heard it said that when someone bases his life on principles, 99 percent of his decisions are already made.” –Dave Ramsey What guides...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT March 26, 2018 “Even the strongest and bravest must sometimes weep.  It shows they have a great heart, one that can feel compassion for others.” –Brian Jacques “Boys don’t cry.”  “Real men don’t cry.”  These...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT March 19, 2018 “I’ve cut it twice and it’s still too short.” –Unknown When things aren’t working, we want to take action.  However, taking action and finding a solution can be two very different things.  This is true in...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT March 12, 2018 “Leave your front door and your back door open.  Allow your thoughts to come and go.  Just don’t serve them tea.” –Shunryu Suzuki We are not our thoughts.  This is an important truth for addicts to learn;...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT March 5, 2018 “When he acts perversely or maliciously – because he is a man of many faults – he is never too ashamed to ask forgiveness.” –Paulo Coelho Forgiveness has different meanings for different people: removal of...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT February 26, 2018 “The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.” –Charles Dubois If sobriety and recovery relied solely on changing behaviors, they would be...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT February 19, 2018 “Anyone who gives help also receives help and needs to teach what he has learned.  That is why he sits by the fire and recounts his day on the battlefield.” –Paulo Coelho Addicts in recovery frequently...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT February 12, 2018 “The thing about denial is that it doesn’t feel like denial when it’s going on.” –Georgina Kleege We are not good judges of ourselves.  That is true in life.  That is especially true in recovery.  As...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT February 5, 2018 “Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your actions.” –unknown Being responsible for your actions is important in recovery.  Addicts often struggle...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT January 29, 2018 Unmanageability in addiction is the train wreck.  Powerlessness is accepting that you cannot stop the train alone. Step 1 asks us to accept that we are powerless and that our lives have become...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT January 22, 2018 "By being flexible, he no longer judges the world on the basis of 'right' and 'wrong,' but on the basis of 'the most appropriate attitude for that particular moment.'" –Paulo Coelho Many people, not...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT January 15, 2018 It’s gonna be what it’s gonna be. Addicts are notorious for wanting to control.  But while attempting to control outcomes feels comfortable, it is limiting.  We limit ourselves to the outcome we...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT January 8, 2018 You will erase everything you had written in the book of your life up until now: restlessness, uncertainty, lies.  And in the place of all of this you will write the word courage.  By beginning the...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT January 1, 2018 Feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resistance, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we are holding...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT December 25, 2017 He looks up at the sky.  And a voice says “My dear, everyone makes mistakes.  You’re forgiven, but I cannot force that forgiveness on you.  It’s your choice.” –Paulo Coelho Every good sponsor will have...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT December 18, 2017 I don’t want to succeed in business and fail in life. Success comes in many forms.  That is something we sometimes forget.  Success can be defined as "I won the game" or as "I lost the game while...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT December 11, 2017 "The warrior of light listens intently to that silence and understands that somewhere something is happening.  He knows that devastating earthquakes arrive without warning.  He has walked through the...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT December 4, 2017 “In the final third, try things. It’s OK if you lose the ball in the final third as long as you apply some immediate pressure and try to win it back.” -Brian Schmetzer In soccer, there is a time and a...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT November 27, 2017 I am the biggest hurdle to my own recovery. Sobriety and recovery are easy.  Put a consistent daily routine in place.  Call other program members when you feel the slightest twinge of an addictive...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT Noveember 20, 2017 The warrior of light knows that everyone is afraid of everyone else.  This fear manifests itself in two ways: through aggression or through submission.  They are two facets of the same problem. –Paulo...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT Noveember 13, 2017 Connect to heal and rebuild. After a recent natural disaster, someone shared this insight with me.  “Normally ants are incredibly organized.  Nice straight lines, each ant moving efficiently where it...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT October 16, 2017 You are not circling the drain yet but you are in the tub. In addiction, relapse does not happen immediately.  It happens over time, one action after another.  These actions may be obvious and large,...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT October 9, 2017 "A thorn, however tiny, can cause the traveler to halt." –Paulo Coelho Spotting and addressing the obvious issues that get in the way of sobriety and recovery is important.  These issues typically...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT October 2, 2017 "When a beginner knows what he needs, he proves more intelligent than an absent-minded sage." –Lao Tzu Getting sober is hard work.  Finding the life balance that comes with recovery is hard work.  And,...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT September 25, 2017 "If his decision is correct, he will win the battle, even if it lasts longer than expected.  If his decision is wrong, he will be defeated and he will have to start all over again – only this time...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT September 18, 2017 Ask for what you want. We sometimes assume others know what we want.  It has been my experience that this is frequently not so.  The only person who can read your mind is you.  The couple in my office...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT September 11, 2017 Finish the race! Because recovery builds on itself, it is sometimes referred to as “many races, one after another.”  A cardinal sin of recovery is not finishing the race.  This might be recognizing...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT September 4, 2017 When I want to do it least is when I need to do it most. There are parts of a recovery program that can be difficult:  making phone calls, sharing at meetings, and being transparent with your partner,...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT August 28, 2017 “When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know.  But, if you listen, you may learn something new.” –Dalai Lama Through our sobriety and recovery work we learn many things, and sharing this...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT August 21, 2017 “The world is a great mirror.  It reflects back to you what you are.  If you are loving, if you are friendly, if you are helpful, the world will prove loving and friendly and helpful to you.  The world...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT August 21, 2017 “Losing is what motivates me and winning is what sustains me.” –Sigi Schmidt There is a difference between motivation and sustainment.  What is it that motivates you?  For many addicts it is the pain of...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT August 7, 2017 “To experience peace does not mean that your life is always blissful.  It means that you are capable of tapping into a blissful state of mind amidst the normal chaos of a hectic life.” –Jill Bolte Taylor...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT July 31, 2017 “In order to have faith in his own path, he does not need to prove that someone else’s path is wrong.” –Paulo Coelho Recovery is an individual process.  Everyone must find what program works for them. ...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT July 24, 2017 “Then the warrior realizes that these repeated experiences have but one aim: to teach him what he does not want to learn.” –Paulo Coelho There are times when it feels like we are getting the same,...

  Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT July 17, 2017 “I have met so many people who, at the first opportunity, try to show their very worst qualities.  They hide their inner strength behind aggression and hide their fear of loneliness behind an air of...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT July 10, 2017 No matter how wrong I am, I always agree with myself. Trusting our own judgment and perspective can be problematic.  There are times when our thoughts are accurate and we make effective decisions. ...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT July 3, 2017 “Jealousy is an ugly emotion, but it tells the truth.  We envy those who have what we desire.” –Susan Cain All emotions have something to give us, even the ones we are uncomfortable with.  If we ignore or...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT June 26, 2017 “I saw that!” –Karma There really are no secrets.  We may get away with some transgression or lie for a while but there is always a cost.  It may not come from our partner, our friend, or our boss but the...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT June 19, 2017 The program is really hard if you do 99% of it.  When you do 100%, it’s easy. Working most of the program is like curing only part of the infection.  The struggle and pain will just keep coming back.  Old...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT June 12, 2017 “All doubt, despair and fear become insignificant once the intention of life becomes love.” –Rumi Love is the answer.  Doubt, despair, and fear have power when we are focused on getting, changing, or...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT June 5, 2017 Playing Craps Gambling is not something I recommend for your recovery.  The basic definition of gambling is that you have a chance to win and a chance to lose.  Craps, as a number of people have explained...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT May 29, 2017 “It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.” –Albert Einstein Wouldn’t it be nice if sobriety and recovery were simple?  If a successful response to every situation was...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT May 22, 2017 “A ship in the harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.” –John A. Shedd The same old same old is the safest bet but it doesn’t get you anywhere.  An addict’s life can be chaotic not only...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT May 15, 2017 That is not a monkey you want in your circus. A circus is fun, entertaining, and unpredictable.  And yet, there are some acts or attractions that are simply more trouble than they are worth.  Life is much...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT May 8, 2017 Once you have thrown the rock into the water, you cannot stop the ripples. We are powerless to control the impact and damage our behaviors and choices have on others.  This is like trying to stop the ripples...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT May 1, 2017 “Look at this stone.  It has been lying in the water for a very long time, but the water has not penetrated.  Look, perfectly dry.” –Cardinal Lamberto, The Godfather: Part 3 Being in recovery is very...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT April 17, 2017 “Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving.  When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape.” –Bell Hooks One of the primary tenets of sex addiction...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT April 10, 2017 “Watch your thoughts, they become words; Watch your words, they become actions; Watch your actions, they become habits; Watch your habits, they become character; Watch your character, for it becomes your...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT April 3, 2017 Don’t take the lion out for a walk. Lions are amazing, majestic animals and, regardless of how well they may be trained, they are dangerous.  Even if your trained lion has been calmly at your side for...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT March 27, 2017 “Hardships often prepare ordinary people for extraordinary destiny…” -C.S. Lewis Hardships are scary and uncomfortable.  Most of us prefer they stay far away from us.  However, hardships have a purpose...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT March 20, 2017 I can’t.  You can.  Please do. Stubborn independence can be problematic, especially in recovery.  We cannot do everything ourselves.  We often need help.  Sometimes, a situation is completely out of our...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT March 13, 2017 You can play an amazing bass line but if it does not mesh with the musical conversation, it is no more than musical masturbation. No matter how amazing we are, if we act alone we are limited.  There is a...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT March 6, 2017 “No matter how far down a wrong turn you have gone, turn back.” –Turkish Proverb Not every choice we make results in outcomes that are helpful or effective.  Making the wrong choice is not the problem. ...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT February 20, 2017 “A real conversation always contains an invitation.  You are inviting another person to reveal herself or himself to you, to tell you who they are and what they want.” –David Whyte Talking with someone...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT February 13, 2017 "I’m starting with the man in the mirror I’m asking him to change his ways And no message could have been any clearer If you want to make the world a better place Take a look at yourself, and then make...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT February 7, 2017 The Universe does not say “You've got it!” very often.  It does, however, say “You’re getting warmer” and “You’re getting colder” quite a bit. Moments when you feel “You've got it!” are few and far...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT January 30, 2017 “It takes twenty years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it.  If you think about that you’ll do things differently.” –Warren Buffett The human mind is a combination of Velcro and Teflon. ...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT January 23, 2017 “The door to the human heart can be opened only from the inside.” –Spanish Proverb Questions I hear frequently are “How do I get them to trust me?,” “How do I get them to see the work I am doing?,” and...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT January 16, 2017 “How long does it take for bamboo to grow?” If you plant a Chinese bamboo seed, it will sit in the ground for five years and appear to not be making any changes.  Then, over a six-week period, it will...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT January 9, 2017 “Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made and dark images you hold about yourself.  They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT January 2, 2017 “You can’t keep birds from flying over your head but you can sure keep them from building a nest in your hair.” –Chinese Proverb We do not have control over the thoughts that pop into our heads.  They...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT December 26, 2016 “And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was often times filled with your tears.” –Kahlil Gibran Addiction, at a deep level, is about avoiding uncomfortable emotions.  The avoidance of...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT December 19, 2016 “Pearls don’t lie on the seashore.  If you want one, you must dive for it.” –Chinese Proverb Nothing of significant value comes without effort.  Sobriety, like diving for a pearl, comes with planning...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT December 12, 2016 “One generation plants a tree; another gets the shade.” –Chinese Proverb Sobriety and recovery are challenging.  They require perseverance and trust.  If you walk this path, the benefits are...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT December 5, 2016 “Meaning is not what you start with, but what you end up with.” -Peter Elbow Sometimes we just want to get from point A to point B.  In recovery, this can be experienced as focusing on just getting...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT November 21, 2016 “The world is perfect.  It’s a mess.  It has always been a mess… Our job is to straighten out our own lives.” –Joseph Campbell It may feel good to point fingers elsewhere for the chaos and problems...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT November 14, 2016 "To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved." –George MacDonald Everyone is loved.  Parents love their children.  Wives love their husbands.  Even friends love each other.  This does not,...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT November 7, 2016 "Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." –Will Rogers How we conduct our lives in public may be very different from how we conduct our lives in...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT October 31, 2016 Do I need an American or a Japanese factory? My uncle used to travel the world visiting various factories.  He shared a difference between American and Japanese factories.  In American factories...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT October 24, 2016 "Commitment is healthiest when it’s not without doubt but in spite of doubt." –Rollo May It is easy to make a commitment when we are naïve or in denial.  A commitment made in the moment may seem easy...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT October 10, 2016 "One doesn’t discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time." –Andre Gide Recovery is a process of “discovering new lands.”  We are moving away from known...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT October 3, 2016 "We will stumble and fall in the learning process, but success can only be reached when we are prepared to take those steps, all of them, even the ones where we fail." –Bob Proctor In recovery, the...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT September 26, 2016 "Honesty is the cruelest game of all, because not only can you hurt someone – and hurt them to the bone – you can feel self-righteous about it at the same time." –Dave Van Ronk Many hurtful and...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT September 19, 2016 Maybe so, maybe not.  We'll see. There is a Chinese Proverb that goes something like this:  A farmer and his son had a beloved stallion who helped the family earn a living. One day, the horse ran away...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT September 12, 2016 You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. As addicts working our program, we sometimes feel frustrated by the perceived lack of effort by others.  Sometimes this frustration is with other members...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT August 1, 2016 Lies feed addiction. “We tell lies when we are afraid… afraid of what we don’t know, afraid of what others would think, afraid of what will be found out about us.  But every time we tell a lie, the thing...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT July 25, 2016 The two victims of dishonesty. “Every act of dishonesty has at least two victims: the one we think of as the victim, and the perpetrator as well.  Each little dishonesty makes another little rotten spot...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT July 18, 2016 Frankly admit when you are wrong. “One of the hardest things in this world is to admit you are wrong.  And nothing is more helpful in resolving a situation than its frank admission.” –Benjamin Disraeli No...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT July 11, 2016 Open your heart to pain. When we open out heart to our pain, we make it safe for life to reinhabit our body. –Stephen Levine When we are numb, we are not truly living.  Granted, it is more comfortable to...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT July 4, 2016 Rigorous (not brutal) honesty “There is always a way to be honest without being brutal.” –Arthur Dodrin Rigorous honesty is important. Brutal honesty is less important. Brutal honesty vomits the details of...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT June 27, 2016 Move out of your comfort zone. "Move out of your comfort zone.  You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new." –Brian Tracy Consistency is comfortable...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT June 20, 2016 Trust is Essential “We must come to trust the process of healing enough to open our heart to the unknown.” –Stephen Levine Recovery asks you to trust.  It offers promises of what will come and stories of...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT June 13, 2016 Acknowledge and Embrace the Discomfort "I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches.  If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers.  To suffering must be added mourning,...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT June 6, 2016 Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” –Theordore Roosevelt It would be wonderful if the triggers we experienced were minimal and we...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT May 30, 2016 Embrace "Yes" "The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure." –Joseph Campbell Very few things in life change with an "I suppose so" attitude.  If we want...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT May 23, 2016 Let Go "We must be willing to let go of the life we planned in order to have the life that is waiting for us." –Joseph Campbell Fear of change is powerful. In order to create something different in our...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT May 8, 2016 You must take each step of your path. "If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it’s not your path.  Your own path you make with every step you take.  That’s why it is your...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT March 28, 2015 Look Inside and Awaken “Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart.  Who looks outside, dreams.  Who looks inside, awakens.” –Carl Jung It is easy to measure ourselves by what we...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT March 7, 2015 Look Around in Awareness “Let us not look backward in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness.” –James Thurber The past and the future give us information but do not provide effective guidance....

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT March 7, 2015 Sweet Madness, Glorious Sadness In this sweet madness Oh, this glorious sadness That brings me to my knees -Sarah McLachlan Addiction creates a struggle in our consciousness.  Part of us craves our...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT February 22, 2015 Breakaway I’ll spread my wings and I’ll learn to fly I’ll do what it takes ‘til I reach the sky And I’ll make a wish Take a chance Make a change And breakaway Out of the darkness and into the sun But I...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT February 8, 2015 "The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or a hostile universe."  –Albert Einstein Experiencing the consequences of our addiction, the universe can feel like a...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT February 1, 2015 "Acceptance is not submission; it is acknowledgement of the facts of a situation.  Then deciding what you’re going to do about it." –Kathleen Casey Theisen We can be resistant to accepting a situation...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT January 25, 2015 A Cocoon of Procedures and Protocols The US Navy is the only Navy in the world that routinely practices night take offs and landings from an aircraft carrier because it is so dangerous.  The Navy can’t...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT January 18, 2015 Core beliefs defend against the beauty. Two core beliefs that addicts typically hold are “I am a bad, unworthy person.” and “No one would love me if they really knew who I was.”  These core beliefs...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT January 11, 2015 "When you’re in a long tunnel and it's dark, you shouldn’t put your foot on the brakes.  You should keep your foot on the gas until you see the light at the end." –Diane Shrock There are many times in...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT January 4, 2015 "There are two ways of spreading light… To be the candle or the mirror that reflects it." -Neal Houston, Ph.D. When there is difficulty around us, we can be helpful by providing perspective and...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT December 28, 2015 "Difficulties in your life do not come to destroy you, but to help you realize your hidden potential and power.  Let difficulties know that you too are difficult." –Dr. A. P. J. Abdul Kalam It is easy...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT December 21, 2015 Anger is like picking up a burning ember to throw at someone.  You get burned in the process. When we are overwhelmed by anger and vent it blindly, we often hurt ourselves (either immediately or later)...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT December 14, 2015 "What is the use of running when we are not on the right road?" –German Proverb When we enter recovery, there can be an urge to fix everything right away.  However, recovery takes patience and time....

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT December 7, 2015 Sleeper Waves If you are hanging out at the beach and assume you have a sense of the rhythm and strength of the waves, it can be tempting to turn your back to the water and enjoy the view.  This is when...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT November 30, 2015 "I have accepted fear as a part of life – specifically the fear of change, the fear of the unknown; and I have gone ahead despite the pounding in my heart that says: turn back, turn back, you’ll die if...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT November 23, 2015 OK The course of our life in addiction leads to many problems.  There any a number of options to change our course.  However, we often meet those options with a "Yes, but" statement.  "Yes, but I am...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT November 16, 2015 "Accepting does not necessarily mean 'liking,' 'enjoying,' or 'condoning.'  I can accept what is and be determined to evolve from there.  It is not acceptance but denial that leaves me stuck."...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT November 9, 2015 Are you done yet? There are many behaviors and patterns we continue that simply do not work and often create chaos in our lives and the lives of those around us.  In our addiction, we are deaf and blind...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT November 2, 2015 Sometimes you need a tug boat (to turn the ship around). Large ships are great at going straight, however, turning a large ship takes a lot of time and a lot of space.  Large ships need the help of a...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT October 26, 2015 “Life's real failure is when you don't realize how close you were to success when you gave up.” –Dave Checketts Hindsight is 20/20.  Predicting the future is a crap shoot.  Knowing when the breakthrough...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT October 19, 2015 Ant on top of an elephant If you are an ant on top of an elephant, you can walk North as long as you want but if the elephant is heading South, South is where you will go.  In recovery, it is important...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT October 12, 2015 It takes a lot of work to be lazy.  -Carpenter saying When a carpenter cuts wood, it is permanently cut.  It can’t be undone.  If you cut a board the wrong length (especially too short) you have to get...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT October 5, 2015 "Never, never, for the sake of peace, deny your own experience." -Dag Hammarskjord It can be easy and comfortable to simply agree with others and their point of view.  There are times when this is an...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT September 28, 2015 Sometimes good advice contradicts In the interconnected world of today, there is no shortage of advice. Some is worth listening to; some should be avoided. The problem is that advice is often based on...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT September 21, 2015 “Passion is universal humanity.  Without it, religion, history, romance, and art would be useless.” -Honore de Balzac For individuals recovering from addiction, passion can be challenging.  It can be...

  Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT September 14, 2015 People of great achievement access their brains the same way addicts do. In order to achieve great things, you must have an intense focus and passion that allows you to, at least temporarily,...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT September 7, 2015 Everything after "but" is bullshit! We say many truths that are uncomfortable.  One of the ways we try to avoid or minimize this discomfort is to explain away or balance out the truth with something...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT August 31, 2015 Be Your Adult In emotionally charged situations, we sometimes feel much younger than our biological age.  In a sense, our inner child has taken over and is managing the situation.  One of the problems...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT August 24, 2015 Things will never be as bad, or as good, as we expect them to be. When events or situations are coming up, it is easy to find yourself getting excited about how great it will be or dreading how awful it...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT August 17, 2015 Relationships are Bad Math There are different thoughts about what components make up a relationship.  Romantics will tell you that 1 + 1 = 1 because two people become one relationship.  Realists will...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT August 10, 2015 A good meal ought to begin with hunger. –French Proverb When eating is connected to our appetite, it is enjoyable and serves a deeper purpose.  When eating is disconnected from our appetite, it can...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT August 10, 2015 There are two rules on the spiritual path: begin and continue. –Sufi saying Sometimes we overly complicate spirituality.  Do I have the correct understanding of God, my higher power, or the universe?  Am...

  Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT July 27, 2015 Quit spending your time trying to NOT fail and start trying to succeed. My son's doctor shared a story about a college professor who had a significant impact on him.  Until having this professor, my...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT July 20, 2015 “The best way out is always through.” –Robert Frost A quick fix, while convenient, is typically not helpful in the long run.  It provides relief but very little growth.  Often, the most helpful solution is...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT July 13, 2015 I can’t unsee that! While working in the back yard, a rolley-polley bug was accidentally squished.  My daughter, seeing the squished bug, blurted out "Ewe!  I can't unsee that!"  Our children are often the...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT July 6, 2015 It’s better to be alone for the right reasons than to be with someone for the wrong ones. There are many reasons to stay in a relationship (even when it is challenging).  Likewise, the are many reasons to...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT June 29, 2015 “The purpose of fear is to raise your awareness, not to stop your progress.” –Steve Maraboli Fear is a normal and healthy emotion.  It is there to guide us, not shut us down.  Fear gives us the gifts of...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT June 25, 2015 “Keen intelligence is two-edged,… It may be used constructively or destructively, like a knife, either to cut the boil or ignorance, or to decapitate oneself.” –Sri Yukteswar Sometimes we are simply too...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT June 15, 2015 God has three answers to prayers: yes, not yet, and I’ve got something better for you. When we pray, whomever to and however we pray, we sometimes think our higher power is not listening or doesn't care if...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT June 8, 2015 Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass… It’s about learning to dance in the rain. Sometimes we get caught up in the belief that if a situation is not smooth or comfortable something is wrong and we...

  Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT June 1, 2015 Just because it is OK for others does not mean it is OK for you. Everyone is different.  What I need for balance and sobriety may be different than what someone else needs.  This is a truth addicts...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT May 25, 2015 You can’t talk your way out of something you behaved your way into. Being able to effectively talk about and explain our choices and actions is important.  However, talking will not solve problems created...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT May 18, 2015 There are people who care about you deeply. When we are going through a difficult or painful time, we often feel alone.  However, this is only an illusion.  We are never truly alone.  There are always...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT May 11, 2015 The more relaxed an athlete, the better they perform. One of the best actions we can take is to relax.  When situations are challenging, we often fight back believing this will help us to win.  However,...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT May 4, 2015 “Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.” –proverb Change is uncomfortable and sometimes downright scary.  Giving up our old way of experiencing life can feel like the...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT April 27, 2015 In a bacon and egg breakfast, the chicken is involved; the pig is committed. Being involved in something is easy.  You can put energy into it but have no worries about the ultimate outcome.  This feels...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT April 20, 2015 "It is never too late to be what you might have been." -George Elliot We are constantly in the process of “becoming.”  Sometimes, we assume that because of past actions or our current situation we are who...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT April 13, 2015 This too shall pass. We sometimes react to a situation or experience as if it is permanent. This is true whether the event is comfortable or uncomfortable. In reality, all things are transitory. When we...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT April 6, 2015 I have choices. Sometimes, we feel resentment with all the things we “have” to do.  In reality, we do not “have” to do anything; we have choices.  I can choose to cooperate with my partner or can I choose...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT March 30, 2015 If you have an active addiction, couples therapy will go nowhere. Addiction not only damages relationships, it also impairs relationships’ healing and growth.  Honesty, consistency, and emotionally...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT March 23, 2015 Remove the Poison Arrow? Suppose a man is stuck by a poisoned arrow and the doctor wishes to take the arrow out immediately. Suppose the man does not want the arrow removed until he knows who shot it, his...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT March 16, 2015 We are each our own wild kingdom show. We are each a concoction of hormones, neurochemicals, desires, and fears.  Each of us has the potential to be our own wild kingdom show.  Importantly, we are not...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT March 9, 2015 Intense feelings can be my guide. Feelings are guides that help us navigate through life.  When feelings are intense, they are either warning us to immediately pay attention to something in our life or an...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT March 2, 2015 "When you tie my hands to help you, I cannot deliver what you ask for nor will I try."  -Ken Adams Some people will ask you for help but are not willing to do their part, consider your suggestions, or...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT February 23, 2015 What are you called to do? We spend our time doing many things, working, playing, socializing, learning, and exploring to name a few. However, some of the ways we spend our time resonate with us more...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT February 16, 2015 Find Comfort in Discomfort Discomfort motivates us towards healing, growth, and awareness.  It encourages us to learn, adapt, and become more than who we are currently.  If we eliminate discomfort from...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT February 9, 2015 Every answer brings more questions. A professor of mine once told me that he thought about publishing a book of everything he knew; he said the book would be filled with blank pages. His reasoning was...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT February 2, 2015 "Your thoughts are the architects of your destiny." -David O. McKay What we hold in our thoughts is what we bring into our lives.  If we hold negativity and failure in our thoughts, that is what we are...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT January 26, 2015 Which door to choose? A Persian princess was in a relationship with a commoner; this was against the law. The two were found lying in bed together but, at the time, were having a lovers' quarrel. The...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT January 19, 2015 "Life will knock you down. Ok, it will kick you in the gut and knock you to the curb. But you can't let it rob you of your 'ness'." -You, Me, and Dupree There is a significant difference between...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT January 12, 2015 Date Each Other Again Relationships shift and change with time.  Sometimes, our relationships fall into comfortable routines but lose the spark and excitement they possessed early on.  Other times,...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT January 5, 2015 I cannot abandon or be abandoned (adults take care of themselves.) As adults, we are responsible for ourselves in all areas.  This includes nurturance and emotional care.  Therefore, if someone is unkind...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT December 29, 2014 “You can never get enough of what you don’t need.” –Karen McCall We want a lot of things.  There are significantly fewer things that we need.  Addicts are notorious for craving things they want instead...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT December 22, 2014 Avoid the Turds At times, we get stuck in the middle of a difficult situation between two (or more) people or groups.  Having grown up in semi-rural Washington state, the image that comes to mind for...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT December 15, 2014 The Sword of Gryffindor only takes in that which makes it stronger. In The Harry Potter series, there is an item known as The Sword of Gryffindor.  This magical sword "only takes in that which makes it...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT December 8, 2014 What we resist persists. There are many things in life that we dislike.  When we resist these experiences or situations, however, we give them more attention and, consequently, more power.  For addicts,...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT December 1, 2014 “Suffering is clinging to that which changes.” –Budha Life is change. This is a truth whether we like it or not.  Holding on to a part of life and expecting it to never change sets us up for suffering....

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT November 24, 2014 If we don’t listen, the universe turns up the volume. Life is all about growth.  The universe around us supports this process by sending us things to learn from.  If we pay attention and learn, the...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT November 17, 2014 “When you feel like you are going through Hell, keep going!” –Winston Churchill Life throws us many difficult and painful experiences and situations.  This is especially true in early recovery.  If we...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT November 10, 2014 Observe the Feeling and Thought. It is possible to be too close to your own experience.  When we simply react to our feelings and thoughts, we often miss the larger picture.  When we take a step back...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT November 3, 2014 If you are going to say “No,” you need to know what “Yes” is. Snap judgments usually create problems.  Informed decisions typically work out better.  To make informed decisions we must explore and...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT October 27, 2014 The Three Truths (Yours, Mine, and Reality) If you place a Rubik’s Cube between two people and ask them what colors they see, the will report different colors because different sides are facing them. ...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT October 21, 2014 You can’t have dark without light.  You can’t have happy without sad. Everything has its opposite.  This is important not just in theory but also in experience.  Part of how we perceive our experience...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT October 13, 2014 “Life is a mystery.  Don’t waste time trying to figure it out.” –Dan Millman Why life's events happen the way they do is anyone’s guess.  We can spend hours, days, months, or years trying to figure out...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT October 6, 2014 Indian Penal System A prison in Washington State imported a meditation regime from the Penal System in India. Inmates who participated in the meditation practice saw their recidivism rates drop from 70%...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT September 29, 2014 Hollywood relationships are not romance – they are mutual captivity. Hollywood love stories paint lovely pictures of star-crossed lovers who are destined to be together. One or both of the lovers...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT September 22, 2014 My successes are more likely to be appreciated if I tell others what I have done. Sometimes people notice our actions and choices. Sometimes they don’t. Holding anger or resentment when we feel that...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT September 15, 2014 “Great, kid.  Don’t get cocky!” –Han Solo It is important to celebrate success.  It is equally important to remember that you need to continue to hone the skills that allowed for your success and...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT September 8, 2014 "You can’t stop the waves from coming but you can learn to surf." –John Kabat Zinn There are always “waves” in life.  We have a choice.  We can flounder and fight against them or we can see them as an...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT September 1, 2014 "The way of the miracle-worker is to see all human behavior as one of two things: either love or a call for love." –Marianne Williamson If we only look at the surface of another person's behavior, we...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT August 25, 2014 Don’t put your finger in an epileptic’s mouth. The instructor of a first aid class I attended explained that you should never put your finger in the mouth of someone having an epileptic seizure because...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT August 18, 2014 Be careful where you step. One beautiful day while enjoying companionship and conversation, I narrowly missed stepping in something gross on the sidewalk.  These “sidewalk bombs” are a hazard whether...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT August 11, 2014 You can’t unboil an egg. There are some things we can do over and fix, like taking a Mulligan in golf.  There are some things we can’t, like boiling an egg.  Once the egg is boiled, it can’t be undone. ...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT August 4, 2014 "If you don’t accept the challenges that life brings with it, then life is not worth living." –Sigi Schmid Some people spend a lot of time trying to avoid, minimize, or simply ignore the challenges that...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT July 28, 2014 "When someone you love takes up more space in your head than you do in their heart, it is time to let go." –Sepi Ghaflouri Relationships are powerful because they are two way streets.  You choose to be...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT July 21, 2014 Everybody’s got a dark side Do you love me? Can you love mine? Nobody’s a picture perfect But we’re worth it You know that we’re worth it Will you love me? Even with my dark side? –Kelly Clarkson Will we...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT July 14, 2014 "People aren’t either wicked or noble.  They’re like chef’s salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict." –Lemony Snicket When we start to...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT July 7, 2014 Shhh… Listen When we slow down, stop talking, and just listen, good things happen.  We get in touch with what is around us.  We find out who other people are.  What their hopes and dreams look like.  We...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT June 30, 2014 "A spirituality that is divorced from the body becomes an abstraction, just as a body denied its spirituality becomes an object." –Alexander Lowen Our body and our spirituality are intrinsically linked. ...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT June 23, 2014 Life is like learning to play the violin while being on stage. It would be nice if the world only saw our finished, polished selves.  But that is simply not reality.  The world and those around us get to...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT June 16, 2014 Don’t judge me by my past.  I don’t live there anymore. While we are always responsible for the choices we make, past and present, it is important to weight them appropriately.  My past represents who I...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT June 9, 2014 Moments of serenity, moments of chaos An “old timer” in a 12-step meeting responded to the question “How have you been?” with this wise answer “Oh, moments of serenity, moments of chaos.”  What a wonderful...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT June 2, 2014 "The only way out is through." –Fritz Perls When we find ourselves in emotionally painful situations, we hope for a solution to allow the emotional pain to resolve.  The good news is there is a solution...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT May 26, 2014 Turning something over to God shifts our energy to allow for change. I don’t understand my higher power.  That is why it is my higher power.  If I understood it, it would simply be my power.  But,...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT May 19, 2014 "Live every day as if it is your last but learn to live as if you will live forever." –Ghandi Ghandi understood the balance of life.  Live it to its fullest but do so in moderation.  If we are afraid to...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT May 12, 2014 "Every problem has a gift for you in its hands." –Richard Bach The world is not black and white and breaking it into chunks of good and bad bypasses the richness that the world around us has to offer. ...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT May 5, 2014 Many people find it hard to be happy because they see the past as better than it was, the present as worse than it is, and the future as less resolved than it will be. I remember having a realization one...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT April 28, 2014 Chronic grief is like addiction.  You crave the person and sadness is the hit. When someone leaves our life, grieving their absence is a natural process.  And, like all natural processes, it runs its...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT April 21, 2014 Break It Down Into Smaller Chunks When we enter into true recovery, we know exactly what we need to change… everything!  That’s a tall order and can feel overwhelming.  Even if we do change everything all...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT April 14, 2014 If my life were a story, would my current choices be signs of chaos or signs of health? In stories, the choices made by characters help us to understand where they are in their development.  Sometimes...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT April 7, 2014 Why worry? There should be laughter after pain There should be sunshine after rain These things have always been the same So why worry now? Why worry now? -Mark Knopfler Life is like the tides, it ebbs and...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT March 31, 2014 Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another. –Walter Elliott Change is not one long process.  It is repeatedly managing similar situations over and over again and tweaking...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT March 24, 2014 If, before they are done talking, you are formulating a response, defending your position, or fixing a problem… then you are NOT listening. Having a conversation and listening to each other are very...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT March 17, 2014 Intimacy = into me you see Intimacy does not mean sex.  It does not mean physical closeness.  It does not mean sharing old stories.  Intimacy means to be known, wholly.  It is an act of vulnerability. ...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT March 10, 2014 "Self-delusion is pulling in your stomach when you step on the scale." –Paul Sweeney Self-delusion feels good but it ultimately hurts more than it helps.  Pulling in your stomach may give you the...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT March 3, 2014 "The most effective way to do it is to do it." –Amelia Earhart You can spend a lot of time thinking about options, planning the perfect and most effective strategy, and attempting to predict and cover...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT February 24, 2014 "The management assumes no responsibility for what is found." –Abraham Maslow Emotional healing involves turning over a lot of stones.  What we find in the process is not always comfortable but it is...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT February 17, 2014 When I repress my emotions, my stomach keeps score. –John Powell Our bodies and our emotions are closely linked.  This is a truth that we do not fully understand.  None the less, when we live in...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT February 10, 2014 The basics of Harry Potter: prepare for the challenge, surround yourself with the support of others, positive self-talk, focus on what is at stake, and take appropriate action. –Patrick Carnes We can...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT February 3, 2014 The number one predictor of success in therapy is “Do clients believe that you would take your own advice?” Telling people what they should do is easy; following that same advice is often difficult. ...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT January 27, 2014 Those who take the trouble to gain mastery over what happens in consciousness do live a happier life. Happiness in life is not based on reality.  It is based on perception.  Two people can experience...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT January 20, 2014 Mark Twain once noted that his life had held many serious crises, some of which had actually happened. Listen to the stories people tell about having been personally wronged.  There is often one...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT January 13, 2014 Fathers be good to your daughters Daughter will love like you do Girls become lovers who turn into mothers So mothers be good to your daughters too -John Mayer The legacy of the way we live our lives is...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT January 6, 2014 What Wires Together Fires Together The human brain is constantly creating connections in order to work more efficiently.  It does this by linking behaviors and experiences that consistently occur...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT December 30, 2013 "Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new end." –Anonymous We all have situations and actions we wish had happened differently.  Some of...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT December 23, 2013 "Grief is what God gives us to grow up." –C.S. Lewis We feel grief when someone we care for passes away or moves away.  We feel grief when a relationship we are invested in ends or grows distant.  We...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT December 16, 2013 "It’s a small island… be good." –Janette from Vieques Other people notice our behavior, even when we think they don’t.  Those in recovery have found this out (often the hard way) and will tell you...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT December 9, 2013 "I’d like to make a motion that we face reality." –Bob Newhart Reality is not always comfortable and there are many ways to avoid it: acknowledging only some traits of others (those we like or those we...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT December 2, 2013 This is what I have trained for Sometimes we interpret challenges, problems, and conflicts as things to be avoided.  And, while I do not recommend you create challenges and problems just for the heck of...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT November 25, 2013 Muscle Memory – Our Brain is a Muscle When we want to learn or improve a skill, we practice it.  Why?  Because when we practice we create muscle memory.  Muscle memory allows us to perform a skill with...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT November 18, 2013 Not allowing yourself to be known is dishonesty. There are many ways to be dishonest in a relationship.  One that frequently happens and, in our own thought processes, is easy to justify is not...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT November 11, 2013 Even if I don’t get what I want from a conversation, I find out who they are. There are two levels to every conversation.  The obvious level is what we are talking about and, at times, what I am trying...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT November 4, 2013 "When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." –Viktor Frankl There is only so much we can control.  More often than we care to admit, we find ourselves in...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT October 28, 2013 "What we do today, right now, will have an accumulated effect on all tomorrow." –Alexandra Stoddard We have choices every day of our lives.  Some choices seem small (what we do when a teller gives us...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT October 21, 2013 "Take care of the problem now, or else you’ll just suffer again later when you screw everything up the next time." –Elizabeth Gilbert Life has a tendency to be circular.  Therefore, the challenges we...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT October 14, 2013 We are not motivated by needs that have already been satisfied… only by those that haven’t. We all have needs.  That is part of being human.  However, the needs that drive our behavior are the needs...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT October 7, 2013 "There is nothing worse than taking something into your head: it turns into a revolving wheel that you can’t control." –Ugo Betti Controlling what we think about is easier said than done.  Obsession and...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT September 30, 2013 We have enough to deal with in life.  We don’t need to carry other people’s shame as well. When people who were significant to us as children behaved shamefully, either directly to us or indirectly...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT September 23, 2013 Soothe Yourself Fear, pain, anger, embarrassment, and guilt are all normal human emotions.  These emotions are also typically uncomfortable.  When we react to strong, uncomfortable emotions without...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT September 16, 2013 When I'm 64 "When I get older, losing my hair Many years from now Will you still be sending me a valentine Birthday greetings, bottle of wine? If I'd been out 'til quarter to three Would you lock the...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT September 9, 2013 Our Experience is not Reality When we assume that our experience is the accurate, totality of reality, we create chaos in our relationships.  In truth, our experience is only one perspective of a much...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT September 2, 2013 Harmony is Living Your Values Shame and guilt are emotions that help us to identify our values; we feel shame and guilt when we act outside of our value system.  When our actions match our values, we...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT August 26, 2013 "Wisdom is the ability to know what is worth being upset about." -Patrick Carnes There are situations in life that are worth being upset about and there are situations that are not.  Our initial...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT August 19, 2013 Your life and your situation are two completely different things. How often do you hear people say "My like sucks!" or "My life is awesome!"  While they are expressing their experience, their choice of...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT August 12, 2013 "The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one." -Elizabeth Hubbard Typically, people would rather not make mistakes but it is through our mistakes that some of...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT August 5, 2013 "Opportunities to find deeper power within ourselves come when life seems most challenging." -Joseph Campbell When we are in the middle of our most challenging times, it is easy to feel hopeless....

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT July 29, 2013 The Stockdale Paradox Admiral Jim Stockdale was the highest-ranking naval officer held as a prisoner of war in Vietnam.  When asked what it took to survive the Vietnam POW experience, Admiral Stockdale...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT July 22, 2013 Raking Leaves in the Wind Putting effort into changing things that are not working in our lives is important but that is only half of the equation.  The other half is changing the patterns and influences...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT July 15, 2013 Learning To Be Royalty "Mothers give sons permission to be a prince but the father must show him how. Fathers give daughters permission to be a princess and mothers must show them how.  Otherwise, both...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT July 8, 2013 Would you marry yourself? No one is perfect.  And while that is not an excuse for ignoring your own problematic behaviors and interactions, it is also not license to beat yourself up due to your...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT July 1, 2013 “Everyone wants to live on the top of the mountain but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.” –Andy Rooney We all have goals.  And striving to achieve those goals is important. ...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT June 24, 2013 It is not about having the right thought.  It is about challenging your thoughts to find balance. Having the right thought is overrated. We all have thoughts that are pleasant and thoughts that are...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT June 17, 2013 "Know that nothing stays the same." -Dan Millman One of the fundamental rules in life is that everything must change; nothing stays the same. As we bump up against this rule, we can either accept it or...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT June 10, 2013 Insanity helps us appreciate and value our sanity. If you attend a 12-step meeting, you may hear an "old-timer" talk about how they appreciate being an addict. They are not expressing that they are proud...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT June 3, 2013 Admit What is Not Working The only things that we can fix are the things that we recognize as being problems. When we pretend that something is working just fine, when in actuality it is creating problems...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT May 27, 2013 Are you living in action or reaction? -Pia Mellody When we have effective boundaries, we see the actions of others and decide what to take on as truly being about us.  Boundaries allow us to live in the...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT May 20, 2013 Worrying is like prayer for things you don't want. When we pray, we hold a desire in our mind and heart and often find our prayers are answered, sometimes directly and sometimes indirectly.  When we worry,...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT May 13, 2013 What does not satisfy when we find it, was not the thing that we were desiring. -C.S. Lewis We hold many beliefs about what will make our lives better.  Some of these beliefs are conscious and some are...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT May 6, 2013 At the moment of commitment, the universe conspires to assist you. -Barbara Streisand One simple truth in life is that what we hold in our mind is what we create in our life.  This does not always work in...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT April 29, 2013 We must see all scars as beauty.  Okay?  This will be our secret.  Because, take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying.  A scar means, I survived. -Chris Cleave We all have our scars, some...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT April 22, 2013 Trust in God and tie your camel to a tree. God gives us all kinds of gifts.  However, if we do not do our part, these gifts can slip through our fingers.  It is not enough to simply trust in God.  We must...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT April 15, 2013 Do I like them not do they like me The dating model many of us follow is to identify someone we find attractive and present ourselves in a way that they will find attractive.  As long as you continue to...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT April 8, 2013 A hot bath is like a big hug to yourself. Hugs are soothing and  nurturing.  Our earliest soothing and nurturing experience was being in mother's womb and the warm, watery environment still runs deep in...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT April 1, 2013 It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves. -Edmund Hillary Achieving a goal comes with effort and persistence, which require that we overcome our insecurities and fears.  While it is easy to...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT March 25, 2013 I have learned this: it is not what one does that is wrong but what one becomes as a consequence of it.  -Oscar Wilde When you notice yourself behaving badly, ask yourself, "What made me think that was...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT March 18, 2013 Boundaries allow us to be independent of others and yet deeply  connected to them. -Patrick Carnes Some people believe that in order to be emotionally close to someone, you need to drop your personal...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT March 11, 2013 Dave's Wedding I was the best man at my friend, Dave's wedding.  At the reception, I ran into a college aquaintance named Russ.  Now, from my perspective, Russ was the cool one in college.  He was the...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT March 4, 2013 I am at the top of the ladder but it is against the wrong building. -Diane Shrock When something is creating havoc in our lives, we want it to change...NOW!  It is important to recognize there is a...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT February 25, 2013 How Old Do You Feel? The trauma we experience in childhood significantly impacts our daily life, but recognizing how it impacts our life and what exactly the traumatic experience was can be...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT February 18, 2013 "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." -Mark Twain When we are dishonest, by lying or simply leaving out important details, we have to track what story we have told and with whom...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT February 11, 2013 "Out of clutter, find simplicity.  From discord, find harmony.  In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." -Albert Einstein It is easy to feel overwhelmed when life becomes difficult.  One simple...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT February 4, 2013 You can't always get what you want But if you try sometimes you just might find You get what you need -Mick Jagger & Keith Richards There is a big difference between what we want and what we need. ...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT January 28, 2013 Fall seven times, stand up eight. -Japanese Proverb Life's successes rarely come to us on a smooth road.  Those who have found success have often overcome significant obstacles.  A willingness to...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT January 21, 2013 "I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is the victory over self." -Aristotle When we do not struggle with ourself and simply act on our...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT January 14, 2013 The mental flotsam does not matter.  What does matter is what parts of that mental flotsam we choose to pay attention to. Our thoughts are reflexive.  We do not have control over which thoughts pop into...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT January 7, 2013 "You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings." -Elizabeth Gilbert The universe is always giving us gifts.  And while being open to these gifts is important, it is...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT December 31, 2012 Those who are mentally and emotionally healthy are those who have learned when to say "Yes," when to say "No," and when to say "Whoppee!" -Willard S. Krabill Life is more than just knowing right from...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT December 24, 2012 One candle can light up a dark room.  A room full of candles cannot be overcome by shadows. Sometimes we are the candle that lights someone else's difficult moment.  Sometimes we are the recipient of...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT December 17, 2012 Embrace Conflict While creating conflict for conflict's sake is inappropriate, shunning conflict is ineffective.  Conflict is inevitable and it should be embraced.  We grow by moving through conflict. ...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT December 10, 2012 Two Monks Two monks, an older monk and his younger disciple, came to a river and prepared to cross.  A young maiden came along and asked for their help in crossing the river.  The older monk took the...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT December 3, 2012 What People Remember I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. While I may be able to maneuver or talk...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT November 26, 2012 Scars "Scars remind us of where we've been.  They don't have to dictate where we're going." -Criminal Minds TV Show We all have scars.  Some are physical and some are emotional.  It is impossible to...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT November 19, 2012 I Want to Walk With You What I want I want to walk with you I want to hear you say "Yes, I want that too" - Toni Childs Choosing to spend time with, enter a relationship with, or spend the rest of our...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT November 12, 2012 Light at the End "When you're in a long tunnel and it's dark, you should not put your foot on the brake.  You should keep your foot on the gas until you see the light at the end of the tunnel."  -Diane...

Thought for the Week Timothy D. Stein, MFT, CSAT November 5, 2012 A Labyrinth A labyrinth is a formation that looks like a maze.  However, unlike a maze which presents choices to make about turning left or right, the only choice in a labyrinth is to continue going or...